Among the cases registered in Nepali courts, the majority pertain to divorce-related issues. Family disintegration significantly impacts marital relationships within Nepali society. As the intimacy between spouses diminishes, the emotional foundation of the institution of marriage weakens. Renowned Indian author Arundhati Roy, in her novel The God of Small Things, poignantly narrates how prejudices confine the inner emotions of individuals. This novel, which won the prestigious Booker Prize in 1997, explores such themes deeply.
Explaining the “rules of love,” she states that caste, religious, and class concepts have historically deprived people of the right to freely choose their partners based on emotional connection. Boundaries have been drawn around whom one can love — dictated by caste, religion, and class. Inter-caste, inter-religious, and relationships crossing social hierarchies are rejected by society, restricted by traditional norms. Consequently, relationships become contractual rather than heartfelt, where people may be joined but their hearts remain disconnected.
Although The God of Small Things is set against the backdrop of southern Indian society, it vividly portrays how rigid traditional beliefs curse many across India to a life of suffering. Observing this, similar patterns can be seen in Nepali society. Our mindset remains largely confined to the same geography, and substantial changes have yet to occur. Even after three decades since its publication, social norms have not fully adapted. The spontaneous aspirations of love remain restricted, constrained by societal rules.
A successful marital life is crucial not only for the couple but also for everyone connected to them. It is better for relationships to unite rather than break. This article explores some crises and root causes within contemporary Nepali marital relationships, respecting restricted social classes. Historically, in Nepal, arranged marriage has been the primary norm, but concepts such as love or self-choice marriages and living together have started gaining ground. These changes are not unnatural in a dynamic society and must be embraced.
While entering a marital relationship is important to many, the true measure is how joyful and intimate that lifetime journey is. This can only be understood at a deep level. Even couples who laugh together often hide problems in their relationships. This article focuses on why many recent marriages have become ritualistic and why gaps are growing between spouses.
Human happiness is a subjective experience, requiring understanding of social, cultural, and economic contexts. Urban and rural Nepali societies differ significantly in their living experiences. Urban societies tend to be economically stronger and relatively liberal, whereas rural communities still grapple with superstitions, discrimination, and poverty. Because of this, life experiences vary, but the fundamental desires for love, affection, and intimacy in marital life remain largely similar.
In recent years, foreign employment has become a major challenge in Nepal. Though it supports many families economically, it also intensifies emotional pain and stress. Many couples cannot live together for even a month at a time, forced to be apart without affection while one is abroad. This weakens relationships and sparks disputes within families.
Moreover, the stories of marginalized communities are even more severe, while comparatively aware sections also face gender balance crises. Women’s awakening seeks recognition, yet patriarchy remains resistant. This conflict fuels tension in marital relationships, complicating mutual respect and roles between husband and wife, thereby weakening communication and understanding.
The rise of digital technology and social media has transformed global human relationships but brought some negative side effects such as heightened individualism and consumerism, which increase economic pressures. Social and moral values have eroded. People increasingly desire to appear “special” or “branded,” and are less willing to compromise their values. Interest in marital unity declines, non-marital relationships grow, and marriage becomes perceived as a burden.
Similarly, excessive use of social networks weakens the emotional foundations of the marital institution. Intimacy, communication, and shared dreams between life partners are fading. Many couples exhibit toxic behaviors like blocking each other on social media or seeking misplaced validation, confining real relationships to mere formalities.
The problem is not only emotional—Nepal’s Supreme Court annual report for the fiscal year 2081/082 confirms that divorce cases are the highest among all registered cases. Of 4,739 cases, 33,050 have been deferred. These figures reflect the grave conditions in our society.
Marital relationships are a vital aspect of life. While forming relationships may be easy, maintaining them is challenging. Even when circumstances appear poor, blame should not fall solely on couples. The country and society must fulfill their responsibilities by implementing timely policies and technologies to build a just state. Yet we must also take individual responsibility to preserve the sweetness of our relationships. A happy marital life demands restraint, wisdom, and awareness. Awareness of both rights and duties within relationships is essential. Loyalty and adherence to life’s truths are the only way to dispel darkness.
We must step away from the allure of the virtual world and increase dialogue within our families, embrace mutual respect, and practice self-discipline. Compassion, forgiveness, and self-acceptance can resolve problems. As world-renowned writer Ernest Hemingway said, “The world breaks many, but many come out stronger from those broken places.” I agree with this, but it requires conscious insight, wisdom, and self-reflection.
