From Family Rejection to Ashram Abuse: The Story of Sexual Violence and Social Humiliation

Khagendra Rana, 27, from Kanchanpur, has faced severe discrimination due to congenital muscular dystrophy and his queer identity. He is currently associated with Rainbow Disability Nepal, working to counsel individuals with disabilities and those from the queer community. Khagendra is striving to become self-reliant while fighting against the dual discrimination experienced by people with disabilities and sexual minorities.

Born in Laljhadi village of Kanchanpur, Khagendra has confronted harsh realities from a very young age. He suffers from congenital muscular dystrophy, a hereditary condition that progressively weakens muscles, causes nerve atrophy in the legs, and makes walking extremely difficult. While typical children begin walking around 9 to 10 months, Khagendra was unable to walk even at one and a half years. Medical diagnosis revealed the genetic nature of his condition. This illness is incurable and requires lifelong regular physiotherapy and medication.

Khagendra is the youngest among five brothers. When he was 15, his father passed away. Since then, his family never fully accepted him as a member. His opinions were excluded from all household decisions. After his brothers married, his treatment worsened. Due to his disability, he stopped attending school after grade six. Unable to manage him alone, his mother sent him to a religious ashram in Dhangadhi. Although he lived, ate, and studied there, daily life was still difficult. In addition to his disability, his feminine behavior exposed him to insults and mistreatment.

During adolescence, a senior individual at the ashram sexually abused Khagendra when no one else was watching. At that time, Khagendra was unaware of his sexual identity and lacked the courage to speak about it. He did not have a private room and shared sleeping spaces with others in the hall. This trauma haunted him for years. Despite enduring physical, mental, and sexual violence, he completed his plus two education while staying at the ashram. During the COVID-19 pandemic, a second-hand mobile phone given by his sister opened new possibilities in his life.

After starting to use Facebook, Khagendra connected with others from sexual and gender minority communities. With their support, he joined an organization working with individuals like them in Dhangadhi and began to understand his identity. “After orientation sessions provided by mentors there, I realized I am gay,” he shares. “This is my sexual orientation, not a fault or disease.” He then spent a year at another ashram in Chitwan, where he again faced discrimination and mistreatment.

Finally, Khagendra returned to Dhangadhi and became involved in disability rights through Facebook. He completed a three-month agricultural skills training during which he met Aditya Rai. Aditya runs Rainbow Disability Nepal, an organization focusing on issues relating to disability and sexual and gender minorities. In 2023 (Nepali calendar 2080), Khagendra came to Kathmandu with just 3,000 rupees, initially sleeping at the organization’s office.

A poignant incident occurred after arriving in Kathmandu that still moves Khagendra emotionally. He maintained regular contact with a gay friend he had met on Facebook and they decided to meet in person. Khagendra did not disclose his disability. When the friend arrived using crutches, he insultingly remarked, “You must be autistic!” These words deeply hurt him. With personal and institutional support from Aditya, Khagendra was able to continue regular physiotherapy and medication more comfortably.

He now works as a pre-educator at Rainbow Disability Nepal, counseling individuals with disabilities and queer identities to prevent loneliness. However, this project is set to end in December 2025 (Nepali calendar 2082), leaving him uncertain about future employment. The monthly 6,000 rupees he receives from his disability ID barely covers his medication expenses. His family still does not accept his existence.

Except his mother, no siblings communicate with him. Some in-laws even claim, “This happened because he associated with effeminate people.” Khagendra responds, “The toughest challenge is society’s attitude—’You are like this, how will you live, how will you earn?’ I am a person like anyone else, deserving love, respect, and opportunities.” Today, he supports queer youth with disabilities, helping boost their confidence and actively fighting for their rights.

“No matter how much violence, rejection, or discrimination one faces, self-respect and persistence never allow a person to be defeated,” he affirms.