Suki and Maya – Stories of Trauma and Pain
A summary of recent news reveals that Suki Buduwal from Dailekh, suffering from domestic violence, jumped into the Karnali River with her children, leading to her husband’s sentencing to one and a half years in jail. Similarly, Maya Kathayat from Surkhet, also a victim of severe domestic abuse, took her children and jumped into the Bheri River; a case of attempted suicide incitement has been registered. The Karnali Province Police Office reported that out of 1,375 suicide cases in the past five years, 372 were caused by family disputes and domestic violence. (Date: 9 Chaitra, Surkhet)
On 23rd Falgun, 2077 BS (March 6, 2021), as the world commemorated International Women’s Day, Suki Buduwal (35) from Dailekh suddenly left her home with her four children while her husband was drinking at home. After about one and a half hours of travel, they reached Jaksi, where relatives lived, but instead of staying there, they went straight to the Karnali River bank by evening. According to police, Suki tied her two daughters’ hands with a single rope and pushed them into the river first, followed by her son, youngest daughter, and herself, all bound together by the same rope. Police investigations revealed that Suki deliberately chose to leap into the Karnali River, ready to die, while intending to take her children away from her husband’s cruelty.
The news of Suki’s suicide with her children in Karnali attracted national and international media attention. The unanimous question was: why was Suki compelled to end her and her children’s lives in the river they had grown up near? Police concluded that her husband’s abuse forced her into this collective death. Following this, Suki’s brother, Bajir Bahadur Thapa, filed a case of incitement to suicide against his brother-in-law, Manasingh Buduwal (43). The case was lodged at Dailekh District Police Office as a homicide matter. One year later, on 16th Falgun 2078 BS (March 1, 2022), the Dailekh District Court sentenced Manasingh to one and a half years imprisonment and a fine of NPR 15,000, under Section 185(2) of the Criminal Code 2074 BS, as delivered by Judge Dandapani Lamichhane’s bench.
Maya Shared a Similar Fate
Five years after Suki’s tragic incident, another mother from Surkhet jumped into the Bheri River with her children, stirring significant public and media attention again. On 1st Chaitra 2082 BS (March 15, 2026), 38-year-old Maya Kathayat from Gurbhakot-12 Piple jumped into the Bheri River with her 11-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son. Maya had left her house on 29th Falgun with her children to seek shelter at her maternal home. She and her children were staying at her youngest father’s house in Gurbhakot-12. Maya had reportedly returned there after four years, revealing she was struggling with substance addiction and receiving treatment in Nepalgunj. However, her husband, Bhupendra Kathayat, came to the maternal home late that night and physically assaulted her. According to Maya’s youngest father, Amardev Giri, “She had come back not from Nepalgunj but to escape her husband’s torture. When her husband assaulted her right in front of us, she shared the terrible abuse she endured.”
Changing Dynamics and Abuse
Up until just before Dashain, Maya and Bhupendra’s relationship had seemed normal. Bhupendra, working as a laborer in India, visited home only during festivals. Maya managed the household entirely. Last Dashain, Bhupendra had decided not to return to India but to run an auto-rickshaw business in the village. However, after a month or two, his behavior changed drastically as he developed addictions to alcohol and drugs. He began returning home late at night (midnight to 1 a.m.) and spent hours on video calls with other women in front of Maya. Whenever Maya questioned him, he would assault her. Even a head injury she sustained three months earlier still pained her. Maya shared with her family that her husband kept a knife at home, threatened to kill her daily, humiliated her by stripping her naked, and beat her every two or three days. After taking refuge at her maternal home for two nights, Maya decided to end her life along with her children in the Bheri River rather than return to her husband’s home. Maya’s father Amardev Giri and her brother filed a case of incitement to suicide. The complaint indicates that her husband’s extreme abuse led her to this tragic decision. Her father revealed that Maya had to take this final step as her husband’s daily drinking and torture extended to both her and the grandchildren.
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If it were not for the extreme abuse by their husbands, social stigma, and overwhelming responsibility toward their children, women like Suki and Maya would have lived peaceful lives with their families. Despite jumping into the Karnali and Bheri Rivers due to their husbands’ cruelty and lack of support from their families, their stories are no less dramatic than any film. In Maya Kathayat’s case, compelled by lack of options, she took her children with her to the river. Suki also ended her life with the four children she had nurtured with blood and sweat. In such incidents, the state remains inactive, and neighbors and families tend to stay silent. When a husband abuses his wife, often families and neighbors consider it a private matter, and even the maternal family remains quiet. In Maya’s village, people were unwilling to discuss the matter. When a woman tried to speak, her husband stopped her by saying, “Mind your own business.” There is no data on whether mothers who reached riverbanks with their children either return or disappear into the currents of Bheri or Karnali. It is impossible to live a normal life carrying the pain of domestic violence and humiliation.
Rachana Sunar, a sexual rights activist, says, “What choice does a desperate woman have besides death? Maya and Suki’s conditions are exactly that. When they see no other option, death seems like the only way out. Campaigns only start after mothers enter the rivers, but nobody wants to understand or address the reasons before that. Society’s pain inflicts deeper wounds than the river’s waves. Mothers do not come to riverbanks carrying their children on their own; the behavior of their families and society pushes them there. Now is the time to not only react after death but also to review the causes and prevent such tragedies.”
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According to Dr. Sushil Samdarshi, a psychiatrist, the women like Suki and Maya, victims of severe domestic violence, become mentally disturbed and choose collective death. “When psychologically disturbed, individuals want to take with them the precious beings they hold dear. Severe domestic violence produces such thoughts,” he says. Sometimes these individuals even harm others before attempting suicide. Dr. Samdarshi referred to a similar incident two years ago in Dailekh where a man attempted to kill family members before trying to commit suicide; his attempt failed, and he is now imprisoned. Dr. Samdarshi further stated, “Maya found jumping into the Bheri River easier than seeking refuge at her maternal home, and it was not an impulsive act. The torment she endured was so great she lacked the strength to cope.”
In the last five years in Karnali Province, out of 1,375 suicides, 372 were caused by family conflicts and domestic violence, according to the Province Police Office. The number of such incidents increased between 2078 BS and 2082/83 BS. Since 2078 BS, 852 rape cases and eight cases of rape followed by murder have been reported worldwide in the province. Incidents related to alcohol, substance abuse, and domestic violence are rapidly increasing in Karnali.
Psychologist Dr. Navaraj KC, in his book Swasparsh, in the chapter “Sani Nani,” explores the psychological causes behind such tragedies. He references Martin Seligman’s 1967 study. In the first stage, Seligman placed two groups of dogs in a box where they received electric shocks. One group was trained to press a button to stop the shock and could easily avoid harm. The second group was not given any escape method, repeatedly shocked, and eventually became helpless. This experiment demonstrated that living beings respond differently to prolonged suffering.
In the second stage, both groups were placed in a new box divided into two sections: one half receiving shocks and the other half safe. The first group, upon seeing the shock, immediately moved to the safe side, protecting themselves. The second group made no effort to escape, collapsing helplessly on the floor. (Excerpt from the book Swasparsh, pages 151-153, reproduced with author’s permission.)
According to Dr. KC, continuous suffering produces stress hormones in the body that hinder the parts of the brain responsible for positive thinking, preventing individuals from making efforts to escape problems. This behavior is known as “learned helplessness,” which affects humans as well as animals. Women like Suki and Maya experiencing domestic violence and torture go through this mental condition.
